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Tim Mysterio's Christmas Tale

The Mystery Mystery: Was Liverpool visited by beings from another world, and are they still here?

Published on January 6th 2008.


Tim Mysterio's Christmas Tale

We all like a story of the unexplained at Christmas and I, for one, have made a fortune out of them.

I’m not thinking of any old mystery, like why you can never get through to anyone at Liverpool Direct, or where Metal Mickey has gone, but things of a more supernatural nature.

Initially reluctant to talk, they were most candid after eight
pints, incoherent
after ten, and comatose after 14

I have heard stories of strange goings-on at Wavertree Playground before, not to mention Otterspool Prom, but is this the strangest of them all?

Snow fell on Liverpool on the evening of Boxing Day, 1970, and a group of young scallies were happily throwing snowballs in the Mystery.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, they were blinded by a light in the darkening sky. It hurtled ever closer.

A ball of fire, it came crashing to the ground over the far side of the park. and skittered to a halt behind Picton Baths. Was it a plane? A meteor? The boys ran over to investigate.

I managed to reunite two of the lads, now in their fifties, through a small ad in Merseymart. I conducted my research in the nearby Barley Mow.

Initially reluctant to talk, they were most candid after eight pints, incoherent after ten and comatose after 14. They drank, they said, to blot out the trauma, and they mumbled something about “the evil one” being still at large.

Then then they started to recall that fateful day, when they breathlessly stopped upon the mysterious light on the ground, their young, innocent eyes growing wide. Could this really be a crashed flying saucer?

Glued to the spot, they watched as a door slowly opened and two beings emerged.

“These two creatures staggered out,” said my first witness, whom I shall call “A”.

“They weren’t bevvied or nothing like that. I think they were a bit dazed from the crash.”

Said the other witness, whom I shall call “B”: “We were a bit scared, so we started lobbing snowballs at them.

“One was alright. It just staggered off across the park in its black trouser suit towards the High Street, but the other one was terrifying. He wore a full length PVC coat. He kept shouting gibberish at us, and all these names of people on the telly like Shirley Bassey and Bob Monkhouse, and those we'd never heard of, like Sharon Osbourne, Angie McCartney and Ray Quinn.”

Added “B”: “We laughed and called him a knobhead, but he got angry and came chasing after us, shouting 'I'll knock you out'.

“We legged it into the Thatched House where me Uncle Dennis was watching a stripper. He got up, went out and smacked him and that was the last we saw or heard of him. Until recently, that is.”

Legend has it that the first alien staggered on to the 73 bus and alighted on Victoria Street. Mistaken for a member of a glam rock band, the creature was welcomed into The She Club and made a successful career out of it. In fact, to this day, the creature can usually be found at a table in the same building - when not attending estate agents' launches with the cast of Hollyoaks.

By the time the lads returned to the spaceship, it had been stripped out. Some of its contents are thought to have turned up at Stanley Dock Market and others as part of a temporary "prefab" convention centre in the arena.

The council disposed of the remaining structure two years later, after many complaints from locals, and some say it now sits at the top of St John’s Beacon.

But what of this “evil one”?

“I’m still haunted by the noise of the incessant, incoherent sound that emanated from him,” whispered “B”. “It is a voice I will never forget.”

“A” started to whimper: “He is back. One night I was tuning my radio when suddenly I heard it again. I called the police and they said they knew about it, and that he'd even written a book, but they could do nothing about it.

"It was awful. It kept shouting: 'I love Liverpool. I just don't want to live there. Alright?'”

My witnesses both sobbed quietly and I decided to call our session to a close.

Readers what do you think? I invite you to listen in, every night until the end of eternity. Don’t have nightmares…

Tim Mysterio

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